Merry Christmas Eve !

Today is Christmas Eve and let me tell you I'm pretty excited. I'm always excited for Christmas but for some reason, this year I'm more excited than usual. I haven't finished shopping yet lol but I'm going as soon as my dad gets home. I love Christmas shopping, I think it's because I like shopping for other people. Because then when I see them smile when they open the gift I know I put it there.
I hope I can find pajamas for my mom because every year me and my brother get Christmas Eve pj's. My mom usually gets them from her mom, but this year she doesn't think she's getting them and she's upset. So I'm hoping I can find some. I know it won't be the same, but it's the thought that counts.

Tonight were going to church as we do every Christmas Eve. I'm not a big fan of it but my mom likes it so we all go to make her happy. Then after we should be going to the Chinese restaurant for dinner. Although I'm not very excited about that because I like to just come home after church and just relax and spend time with everybody. Plus tonight I'm making rice crispy treats and I don't want to make them too late. I like to try and go to bed early because I'm usually up very early, like 4 am kinda early. I can't help it, deep down I'm still a little kid. =]

4 days till my birthday

Everything Happens for a Reason..Right?

Life doesn't always turn out the way you want it to and you have to learn how to except it and move on. I've always had trouble doing that because I never want good things to come to an end. Yesturday I had a lot of time to myself and I started thinking. I thought about all the past friendship I had lost and that the people that once meant everything to me, rarely even cross my mind anymore. When it comes down to it, it's very sad. All my life I've always had a group of friends that I was unusually close to, but I came to realize that the group of friends never stayed the same. I'd become close to people and they would move or we would eventually just become different people. I understand that over time people change. That's just a fact of life. Yet I've realized that some people that I used to love I no longer like at all. I can't understand what it was I loved so much about them. I spent almost everyday with them but when it comes down to true facts; what was it we talked about? What did we do? Because looking back we were always different, I never really truely fit in with anyone group. We had similarities and we got along, but I was always different. I either liked different music, or different activites. Not matter what is was there was always something that made me different from them. Even now with the group of friends I am really close with, I'm very different. They're concerned with what party to attend on the upcoming weekend and I care more about a paper that's due at school. I love them, I really do. But I have to ask myself, how long will it last? How long will we be able to stay as close as we are? Everything will change just like everything else has.

Snow =/

So today we had a snow day..finally. It was okay except Naugatuck was off to which kind of sucked because I wanted the house to myself but whatever. It's finally snowing which is nice but my mom isn't home yet because she is stuck in the snow. Hopefully she'll get home okay because if she has trouble she isn't going to be in a good mood and were supposed to make cookies. I like making cookies I just wish she would be in a good mood for it. It's officially freezing in my house also. It's ridiculous I think I might actually freeze to death here. So this snow day did not turn out the way I planned, it wasnt as enjoyable as I wanted it to be. And I just foun out that tickets for this concert I want to go to are all sold out. Concerts are like my thing. I love going to them and this was my favorite band. I've already seen them but I would love to see them again. It kind of sucks I'm hoping I can find them somewhere else. Well I guess that's all I have to report.

9 days until my birthday =]

Deja Vu

So I had this friend, a type of friend you spend every waking moment with. I might have mentioned her before. Me and her are no longer friends because of some stupid agrument. Well, last April her and I started talking again, keeping it casual and what not. Then I went into the hospital and when I came out I tried to contact her and she never got back to me. She ignored me when I saw her and she deleted me from her friends list on myspace. Well in the end I was the one who got hurt. Just like the time before. Well last night she called me, I was asleep, so I didn't answer. This morning I texted her and we talked for a while. It was nice but then all of a sudden she started to tell me how to love my life. Well, really she told me that she cared and didn't want me to ruin my life with the people I've been hanging out with. It may be true she might really care, but then I think if she really cared don't you think she would have called over all that time. Don't you think she would have at least called and checked up on me. No she didn't. And trust me I tried contacting her but after a while it wasn't worth it. Yet, today we talked for a while. Then tonight I went into Stop and Shop to get some things and she was working. We said our hellos and talked a while. Then we I left she texted me and so did Nikki, her girlfriend. They asked me if I wanted to hang out this weekend, and of course I accepted, knowing that in the long run I'll probaly be the one who gets hurt..again. I hope it's different, I hope they really care. I hope it won't be like the last time. Of course, I could confront her about this but something deep down stops me. I think it's because I'm so excited to have her in my life again that I don't want to do anything to screw it up. You may judge me for this and say that no one person is worth that much, but to me she is. She was my best friend, my sister. I know things will never be the way they were, and I've accepted that. Yet, it would be nice if we could be friends. I really miss her, I just don't want to get hurt again.

Life's A Bitch

So today were going to get our christmas tree. Which I love to do because then we get to decorate the tree and that is one of my favorite parts of Christmas. We were supposed to go at one and go and get it but of course my selfish father wants to wait until later because he has things to do. Well fuck him. Im going to go when I want to go. I find it funny that he thinks that he controls this house because in fact; it's me. It sounds like I'm being controlling but that's the truth. Things go as I want them no matter what he thinks or what he says. And what makes everything so much better is that he gets mad when I tell him what's actually going to happen like he has a choice. HA. yeah right. All my life I have had control why is it going to stop now. But what I like better is that I'll go along with his changes. But I'll be a total bitch all day which gets him really upset because he's such a drama queen. But I'll just be smiling because that's when he'll realize that he should have listened to me in the first place.


And in other news 15 days till my birthday. =]

17 Days

Well, as of today there are 17 days until my birthday. Every year I make a big deal about my birthday, because let's face is im a bit concieded. So having a whole day be about me is pretty great. I mean I know somewhere in the world more important things are happening but where I am, it's all about me. This year I have big plans because it's my 16th birthday. Although my mom threatened to take them away but frankly she won't. She would never ruin my day like that. She's not that cruel. So anyways in case your keeping track - 17 days. =]

Disadvantage

I hate how you treat me like I'm some pot smoking whore. Every time I go out you need to know everything. I understand your concerned but you act like I'm going to go and do something stupid. I'm smarter than that and you should know that. And what makes it worse is that you let him go off with complete strangers. I mean that's ridiculous. He is younger and way way way less mature. Plus you don't even know the people you're leaving him with. You don't even know their name. They could be rapists or killers. You don't know. But when I want to go out with a friend who you've known for over eleven years, you ask all these ridiculous questions. What does that say? It says that you don't trust me, and to my knowledge I haven't given you a reason to not trust me. I always do what I'm told and I always come home in one piece. You need to loosen up and recognize what your saying is unfair.

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride

So let me just start off by saying that i love the month of December. Snow. Christmas. Family. My Birthday. It has everything. Usually December doesn't start getting good until it's almost over, but this year it has been very enjoyable. I've been spending time with some friends that I have maybe been neglecting the past few months, and were having fun, like the old times. Everything just seems right for some reason. I feel like if December keeps going on like this, I'll be able to keep a smile on my face. The only thing that's missing is snow.*