Not everything turns out the way I want it to and I understand that, but it's hard for me to accept it. I've been trying so hard to do my best but nothing seems good enough. It's not working out as planned. I have trouble accepting things that do not turn out the way I want them to. I guess I'm just not open to different solutions or outcomes, but I can't help it. I've tried to be different but I see everything black and white and I always have. I can't help it. And the more I try and the more i fail, it's just getting more and more disappointing. I don't know how to change. I can't seem to wrap my mind around not doing as well as I planned. I can't accept anything lower than my standards, and it's starting to wear me down. The more I fail the more I want to give up, but I can't give up it's not an option. If I gave up, then what would I have? Nothing, not even the feeling of dissapointment, but I wouldn't have the feeling of being proud either. So what's the solution? I don't know. Does anybody really? How is it that I can be so confused over something as simple as just doing my best and being proud. I guess it also has to do with having little self esteem. I can't help this feeling, but I wish I could, and one day maybe I'll be able to.
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