People always leave

today someone i know asked me if i was okay and i responded with not quite but i'm getting there. This is a total lie because i'm not getting better and anyone that truly knows me, knows that. But the girl who asked me was a simple and "happy" girl. I didnt want to upset her and tell her i wasnt okay. She didnt need to know i wasnt because i dont need her pity. And if i had told her the truth, that i wasnt getting better i still fight the urge to kill myself she would have felt bad for me and i dont need that. I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me because it's my problem not theirs. And you may ask yourself, if you dont want pity then why post ur sorrow on a blog. I do it for me, no one else, if you dont like it or dont agree with what i say dont read it. I write for me and only me. And my pain and suffering is only mine. It's the only thing in my life i can rely on. It's the only thing i know that will be there the next day when i wake up. There isn't much else i can rely on. I cant rely on friends or family. I can't rely on hope or dreams. I can't even rely on myself. The only things i can truly rely on is my pain, my suffering, and my scars. Those three things will always be in my life. No matter what anyone else says, i'll always have those miserable feelings and the reminder of my past pain. People always tell me to have hope and have faith. But how can they tell me to have all those things when the next day they wont be there to see me through the misery. Dont tell me how to run my life when really deep down you dont really care, you're just being nice. You dont need to be nice i'm a big girl and i can handle you not caring, because in truth know one really cares. Not even me