what started as just a friday morning.

friday.
People look at friday as one of the best days of the week. For kids its the last day of school before the weekend, for young adults it's the night they go out and party, and to regular working class adults it's the last day of the work week. Yet to me it's the longest day of the week. After getting up at six five days in a row i dont wanna get ready and have to go to school. Most of the time i dont mind it but today ..was one of those fridays. From the time i got up this morning i was counting the minutes until i could go home and lay in bed for hours. Now you may classify me as lazy but that's fine because honestly i'm done caring what others think. My day did not get much better as it went on. The moment i stepped into school i wanted to step right back out again. Don't get me wrong i have great friends waiting to greet me in the halls but they don't fully understand me or where my thoughts are. They don't understand how im feeling even when i speak simply. And again dont get me wrong, my friends arent stupid, theyre actually very smart, but they havent lived my life and they dont know what ive been through. The rest of the school day was a big blurr i wasnt really there. The most disappointing thing about this particular friday is when i got home and finally got to lay in the only real place i feel safe, it didnt feel satisfying. I still wasnt happy and what i hated the most is i dont know why. It could be because my so called best friend hasnt returned my texts or calls in over a week for no particular reson. Or it could be that my parents are so unhappy that getting divorced wouldnt change anything. Or maybe its because i lay awake every night fighting off the temptation to cut. It may have even been because i feel like im falling for a guy that i know will just make my life worse. Whatever it is, it's stopping me from being able to be who i am. It's like im wearing a mask, one only i can see. One that i cant seem to take off no matter how hard i try. Ive been wearing this mask for so long that i dont even seem to know who i really am. I cant remember what it's like to feel happiness or even sadness. Ive been behind this mask for so long that i dont think i'll ever be able to be set free.